Sinner

I am the hurt that wrecked your soul,
The wound that tore away you whole,
A lie that contaminated your life.
I am but a sinner.

I am the darkness that consumed your light.
Took away your peace, weakened your might,
Buried your dreams under my selfish plight,
The filth that tainted your trusting sight.

You gave me the right to brighten your heart,
To be your love, To be your most important part,
But I, in all my pomp and pride,
Broke it into a million pieces.

I am but a shallow being,
Undeserving of  kindness you bestowed,
A filth that tarnished all your hopes and dreams,
Only pain and questions have I endowed.

Disgust is all I will ever be,
For scarring your life with agony,
I breached the love that loved me,
I will always your sinner be.

--- Repentance of a Perpetrator.

For the love of my Life

My desktop tick tocks at 12:18am.

I'm awake .. not feeling sleepy.

Crack as I am.. I wish to hear you drive by my window

The fan's just swishing up a noise

My red and brown curtains are adorably moving to the mid-night breeze

Suddenly ! A blues or a jazz or a whatever tune churns up my mind revealing lyrics.

"Many people come and go,

But you're here to stay

To be my rainbow

On a rainy day

It's a fast forward motion

Oh,This thing called love

But with you it feels just alright

Everything slows down

Just you and me in this while

Let the stars keep moving

Let the sun keep shining

Let the birds all fly away

Let the path seem winding

Let the lights keep dimming

It don't matter

Cause you're here to stay

Like a rainbow

Across from night to day"

I can sing it right now..

I will forget when i wake up in the morning

Maybe I just lost a record breaking tune to sleep

But... The lyrics spilled into my mind

Like, I just knocked a jar of tune and it spilled words

Dear song,

I may not remember, in the future, the tune that embodies you.

But while you're staying hidden, all I ask is for you to meet me some day.

You and I can make great things happen.

--- Love yours,
       Me

Missing

I think one of the 'saddest' feelings is missing 'the special person', even when you're close.
Well... It's more like losing a person to a circumstance.
You remember "those" times. Nostalgia. Secret dreams dreamt silently, Favourite songs - melodious ones added to the playlist, quietly watching the smile form and grow on the other's face, making lists of little unconventional yet true tasks to accomplish, feeling fresh drops of drizzle, an apple shared with ease, wind-chimes  mountains and drives, and sudden pleasant shocks felt by the other's presence.

There comes a time what others label as 'the next phase' or 'growing out of it' . 
It's purely circumstantial .
One gets busy and the other has no time. 
Same experiences cannot be relived.

The scary part is what if 'both' get used to growing out of it.

My oldie 'John Black' has a perfect timing.
During such a soliloquy in my mind I received a message from him :

'When love is tried as loved ones change,
Hold still to hope though all seems strange,
Till ease returns and love grows wise,
Through listening ears and open eyes.'

A lot of time has passed since this message.
I definitely vouch for it as more than a mere saying !
We've all heard clichéd proverbs of life not being a bed of roses, and everyday not being Christmas.
I realise that it's not as much as 'growing out of it',but rather 'growing deeper into it' is the understanding that's needed.
While a deeper sentiment gradually streams through both; favourite tracks, secret dreams, wind-chimes and sudden pleasant shocks take a step aside to make way for something whole and non-tarnishable , but they remain.

Prayer for the Perpetrator

Dear God,
I recognize the evil of my behavior.
I ask forgiveness for the pain I've cause someone else.
Forgive me, God, and cleanse my heart.
Most of all, Dear Lord, please send your angels to release me from my yearnings to do again as I have done.
May God cast out this evil from within me.
May I be returned somehow, through your grace, dear God, to the ways of goodness.
Please bless and protect those who have been victims of my perpetration.
May my life be somehow lifted up that I might be redeemed and receive from you the chance to live the rest of my life on the path of good, through the grace of God and in service to humanity forever and forever.
Amen.

Marianne Williamson.

A feeling called heaven

There's a feeling we all call heaven,

A feeling that makes us come alive,

A feeling when comfort spreads it's wings, 

A feeling we cannot hide.

You can name it your mother's embrace,

Or your father's accommodating lap,

It could be late night talks with your sibling,

Or petting your pooch 'Flap'.

It could be the solace found in your work,

Or the five minute joint relieving coffee break,

A kind act shown by a stranger on a bad day,

Or a midnight binging of dark chocolate cake.

Heartfelt messages sent by that special someone,

Cool Breeze on a hot summer's night,

Laughing aloud with a best friend,

Make-up kiss after a fight.

Definitely a good massage at a spa,

When someone compliments your inner glow,

When you get that recipe right,

When your children admire your halo,

When living becomes an endless dark tunnel,

These moments become our light,

Our heaven is because of Angels around us,

Always keep them in your sight.